Friday, December 14, 2012

Back to Basics

            Only a day’s gap between posts, so I’m improving a bit huh?

            So this morning I’m at the gym, sitting in the sauna (mainly since my dumb ass decided to jump right back into lifting after being down with in injury for a couple of months) and basically doing my own form of meditation.

            I see a lot of posts about husbands / guys who don’t want to “game”.  They think all this is bullshit.

            “Why should I have to game my own wife?”

            Well the answer is you don’t.  But keep in mind, unless your wife’s sexual rank is so low that you have to dig for it, odds are if you aren’t gaming her – someone else will be.

            I challenge all you doubters and guy new to these methods – and to myself as well since I’ve become complacent in several areas lately, to try this method instead.  Read the things below and give an HONEST assessment.  Remember, the focus here is not on your wife, it’s not on the state of your marriage or your sex life (or lack thereof) the following is an HONEST (caps again in case you missed the first one) appraisal of YOURSELF.

            Back the the Beginning

Go back to when you were dating your wife.  I don’t care how long ago it was, just think back to those times.  Now strip away all the bullshit.  What do I mean by this?  We all do this, whether we realize it or not.  We look back to when we were younger, to when we were single, and we tend to inflate things.  We start seeing things more like we WANT to see them, versus what things were REALLY like.  You ready?

            Physical Fitness

    There is a lot of focus on this, and for good reason.  But too many of us tend to see our own physical fitness in the wrong light.  Everyone is different, so you need to find the way YOU need to think about this so it makes sense.
Unless you haven’t paid attention to anything you’ve been reading and learning, you know that confidence plays a HUGE role in your relationship with not only your wife, but with everyone around you.  How you feel and think about yourself is huge. 

Trust me, it’s not some “Feel Good” bullshit.  I challenge you to try this “test” and see if you aren’t convinced.

Find a physical activity.

Join a local gym, YMCA or other place where you can work out. 

If that’s not feasible for you, try running.  (Yes,  I hate running too, but it’s effective and free.)

Try searching for “Couch to 5K” and try that.

Search for “One Hundred Push ups” (and the other variations – sit ups, pull ups etc) and try that.

Find something – anything, that involves physical activity.

Now all you naysayers out there, yeah you:

“But I have kids, work, activities to attend, things around the house to get done.  I simply don’t have the time.”

BULLSHIT – It’s the same excuse we’ve all made.  MAKE the time.
This isn’t about you getting more sex, more affection, more respect.  Sure many of these things will follow, but INITIALLY it is not about that at all.  HEAR ME OUT.

Ever heard of endorphins?  Here’s a simple explanation.

Endorphins are biochemical substances made by your body that reduce pain and bring about a feeling of euphoria and well-being.

Winning the lottery? Endorphins. 

Sex?  Endorphins

Pain? Endorphins.

Getting that great new job or a raise?  Endorphins.

Sneaking that first beer?  Endorphins.

Physical activity / exercise?  ENDORPHINS.

Just do it.  Seriously.  You’ll be shocked at how much better you feel and how much more energy you have.  Give yourself two weeks and you might be shocked how much faster the work day goes by, or how you seem to feel more rested when you up.

Yup, you guessed it – ENDORPHINS.

Come guys, wake up. Why do you think these guys jump motorcycles, surf, bungee jump, skydive etc?  When you see that video of some guy doing something insanely dangerous and you think “Why the hell would he do that?  Is he crazy?”  


You don’t have to run out and go skydiving (not saying it’s not fun – because it is) but do SOMETHING – ANYTHING.

Stop telling yourself it doesn’t matter what you do.  Come on, you’re kicking yourself in the nuts – if you’re reading this you likely don’t need to do this to yourself, you’ve got plenty of other things and people doing that for you.


Yes, I’m going there.  Look you skinny shitheads who can still eat 5000 calories and not gain a pound?  Screw you – your time is coming.  Nothing looks worse that a skinny guy with a gut.
Don’t buy into all the “Try this one simply trick to melt belly fat” hype.  Make this simple.

Dead nuts simple.

Even if your life is about as active as a sloth, your body still burns calories.  It has to.  Breathing?  Thinking?  Heart pumping blood through your body to keep you alive?  All those things happen.  All those things require ENERGY to perform and all those things BURN energy or calories.

Now here’s the important part, the one that so many guys tend to overlook.  So I’ll use myself as example.

I’m a pretty big guy.  Always have been.  I’m 6’3” and 250lbs right now.  People would never look at me and say I was fat.  But I definitely know I need to lose some weight.  It helps I have big legs, broad shoulders and a thick neck.  If I didn’t, people would probably start politely referring to me as “stocky”.   That’s the nice way of saying “Lose some weight fat ass.”

So let me introduce you to the BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate).  What is BMR?  It’s simply the amount of calories your body needs to MAINTAIN your current state.

Here’s the formula (you can always find a calculator online, but hey – doing math actually burns calories too.)

English BMR Formula:

MEN:  BMR = 66 + (6.23 x weight in pounds) + (12.7 x height in inches) – (6.8 x age in years)
So for me it goes like this:

66 + (6.23 x 255) + (12.7 x 75) – (6.8 x 40)
66 + (1588.65) + (952.5) – (272)
2607.15 – 272 = 2335.15

So if I do NOTHING but lay may ass in bed all day and breath, my body will burn 2335 calories.

Now we need to take in account our amount of activity.  We’ll do that using the HARRIS BENEDICT FORMULA.

-        If you are sedentary (desk job, little to ZERO exercise) BMR x 1.2
-        Lightly active (light exercise 1-3 days a week) BMR x 1.375
-        Moderately active (moderate exercise / sports 3-5 days a week) BMR x 1.55
-        Very active (hard exercise/sports 6-7 days a week) BMR x 1.725
-        Extra active (hard exercise and physical job ) BMR x 1.9

So let’s day I don’t hit the gym at all.  The most exercise I get is walking to the bathroom at work and walking to my car to go home. 
2335.15 x 1.2 =  2802.18

That means my body NEEDS 2800 calories or I start to lose weight.

Now what if I hit the gym 5 days a week?  Some weights and the stationary bike for 30 minutes every morning at a fast pace?

2335.15 x 1.55 =  3619

Big Jump Huh?
Now keep in mind every POUND of fat is 3500 CALORIES.

Want to lose a pound of FAT a week?  Reduce your calories by 500 calories every day.  It’s that simple.

Start counting your calories, there are free web apps, smart phone apps, you name it they have it.

Once you start counting it’s easy.  And keep in mind what you DRINK as well.
Don’t worry about your weight right off – just keep working, trust you’ll FEEL BETTER, and guess what?  Feeling better, it’ll totally change how you ACT and REACT to those around you as well.

Here’s the part I like about this “diet”.  Don’t worry about what you eat, just list what you eat and add up the calories.  Simple as that.


  1. Good stuff the last few days. Nice to hear an update. If you go with BMR or really any method for determining what you need, I'd recommend tracking food through an APP like MyFitnessPal or something that has food already loaded in.

  2. I've used those in the past, and initially it does help me to track calories / foods via an app. For me though, once I've established my routine of lifting / cardio every morning, my struggle is with making myself eat in the mornings - definitely my weakness.