I got another kick in the nuts (email) from Ian to update everyone. Okay so it’s been what, almost a month?
Just busy. I’d love to have another 2-3 hours in the day, and I’d have plenty of time to update the blog. I will try to make a point to update my blog every morning. We’ll see how that goes. Right now I’m working restoring a ’65 Chevrolet truck (already completely in pieces), my season as a travel baseball coach has already started and it eats up a good bit of my time and typically lasts until the end of September.
I’ll say it again. If you are TOO FOCUSED on your blog, on reading other blogs, and they all have to do with your marriage, sex in your marriage (or the lack thereof) you aren’t doing yourself, your marriage or your wife any favors.
Look, I LOVE tequila. I like cheap tequila. It has its time and place. I like GOOD tequila. No training wheels please, just a bottle and a pack of smokes. I like VERY EXPENSIVE tequila, the more colorful the better. But too much tequila has never had a positive outcome in my experience. It’s the reason so many people hate tequila. Is it tequila’s fault you didn’t eat anything, the proceeded to do ten shots of house brand? Is it tequila’s fault you did a body shot off that blonde with the hairy back? No it’s not. But now you don’t enjoy tequila.
Same goes with focusing TOO much on your relationship or what’s lacking in your relationship. If you spend more than an hour a day reading forums, blogs and website about sex, marriage, sex in marriage etc, then you need to workout more. REALLY. I’m serious.
I would have called bullshit a year or two ago if someone else had posted what I’m getting ready to post. So be it. Sometimes it takes some time to get past yourself and see something for what it is.
Someone once said (several well-known marriage counselors have used the quote and a couple have claimed it – so I’m leaving it be as a unnamed source):
“If you are satisfied with your sex life in your relationship, sex is only 10% of the equation. If you aren’t satisfied with your sex life, it’s 90%.”
Clear as mud?
Look except for cases where your wife is warming someone else’s sheets, or you simply don’t even speak to your spouse, if you think you aren’t getting enough sex from your wife there are reasons behind it. And if you don’t ADDRESS THOSE REASONS, or rather rule out those reasons / causes YOU CAN CONTROL ( and NO I don’t mean bitching at your wife when she doesn’t seem enthused when you roll her over at 6 am and say “Hey wanna do it?”).
We’ve talked about it over and over. Is your wife physically attracted to you? Are you HAPPY with the way you look? Do you act like it? Do you dress like it? Some recent studies put over HALF our country as being overweight on the way to obesity. Are you in that portion? Can you see your belt without craning your neck hard enough to give you a pulled muscle?
NOTE: If while reading this you start saying to yourself “Well my wife isn’t exactly a spring chicken, and she could stand to lose a few pounds.” STOP. THIS WON’T HELP YOU AT ALL.
Women get to play by a different set of rules. They have the vagina. Period. Dot. End of story. Can you think of any woman (Janet Reno doesn’t count and Rosy and Roseanne? Come on…stop pushing your luck) that could NOT get laid if they wanted to? REALLY?
The only thing you can control is YOU. That’s it. So instead of whining to your wife “Honey do you still think I’m attractive?” (BTW – Even if she answers YES, she’s less attracted to you JUST from you ASKING THAT QUESTION). Get out there and IMPROVE YOU. Don’t do it for your WIFE and the sex it may or may not get you.
Stop focusing on the sex of lack thereof. Seriously. I’ve been there. I know how hard, maybe even impossible, this seems.
Now once you’ve stopped putting the pressure on her, believe me she feels the pressure if she’s not giving you enough sex, go through a “cool down” period. That’s where you concentrate on you. Don’t be a dick. Don’t ignore her. Do your shit. Take care of your stuff as a husband, father / provider – all that jazz. As your Grand Dad would say “Suck it up and drive on Nancy.”
This is more than a few days BTW. But aside 30 HONEST days to actually concentrate on working on yourself. TRY IT. What do you have to lose? It’s not like you’re getting “Laid like tile” (as Athol loves to say).
After those 30 days, go for it. But make sure you don’t make it seem like it’s a big deal. This DOES matter. Find out what a “NO!!!” is versus a “I really don’t feel like it tonight, I’m tired.” (BTW the last? That’s woman code for – well I’m on the fence, I could go either way). Once you get it, do it well. I don’t mean act like you’re auditioning for a porn scene.
Do you know what turns your wife on? Do you know how to make her climax? Does she like it fast? Slow? Which position does she like? HINT: Many women don’t need or want you to screw them for an hour straight. They are just fine with 20 minutes of you warming them up and then 20 minutes of you finishing them (AND YOU) off – or less. If you are efficient you can get the same FAVORABLE result in 15 minutes as you can in 45 minutes.
Once that’s covered, make sure you wife see a “new” you. Don’t get it twice in a week and go back to the Al Bundy. (Sitting on the couch with your hand down your pants and the other hand in a potato chip bag).
SPOILER ALERT : WOMEN LIKE CHEESY ROMANCE BOOKS
They say they don’t. Check your DVR for hidden soap opera episodes, I swear it’s in their DNA. Just because they tell you they think girl movies are stupid, doesn’t mean they don’t like them. There is a difference.
HOMEWORK: 50 Shades of Grey
Research it. Get it in your wife hands without her knowing it was you. You might be surprised on what happens from there.
It’s women book porn. If your wife gets hot and bothered watching a George Clooney movie, and you get laid afterwards, in part because of this, are you happy? Are you wanting to buy George a beer? Or are you thinking, or GOD FORBID saying, “why do you want to have sex after watching him on television? Would you rather have sex with him?” (Your sex rank just went negative….NEXT)
Look, there are marriages out there that won’t be saved. Note I didn’t say “Can’t”. I said “won’t”. IT happens. And EVENTUALLY, after you’ve got YOUR SHIT under control, you may have to investigate a possible ultimatum. But most of the time? One or both simply doesn’t want to put the effort in. And if you are thinking right now “Why should I workout and get in shape and do all this shit to get laid by my wife?” Well I got news for you, it might benefit you to go start looking for your next ex-wife. But keep in mind you’ll be doing the same things you say you shouldn’t have to now, to attract the next woman in your life.